Written by Obsidianpen, it’s an absolute treasure. Again, I think what’s happening here is what we call the “false dilemma” (the unnecessary use of the word, “or”). Usually, however, they can be said with tact and kindness.. However, from public speaking point of view, some of the world famous speakers are known to be brutally honest from the stage. And, while I don’t know any of them personally, I would hope that when they are dealing with their loved ones, employees, and the waiter at the restaurant, they act accordingly. Definition of 'honesty'. And I think that it’s just as important that when people are “brutally” honest with us, we don’t become so defensive that we don’t hear what may be behind the message–even if it’s really different than the words being spoken (it may really be a cry for help). Hi Danielle. Feel free to read our complete Privacy Policy. We use cookies to enhance your experience on our website, including to provide targeted advertising and track usage. I agree that you don’t have to be brutal to be honest. Why? Did I ever tell you I was born with an “irony gene” that comes and goes? Thank you for bringing up such a great discussion point, and the superb value of providing encouragement to those you lead and influence! I know mental health plays a part in this, and it’s therefore more challenging to do for some, but we can, with the right tools, choose to take what is relivent to us, and discard what is not. If you can get results that way, there is no reason to do it any other way. From reading your post and responses, I think I could, and I think you would take it in the best possible way. Don’t try to be tactful or nice and don’t try to be brutal either. It would appear, given this general misconception expressed above, it is about harming others, which is in exact opposition to my understanding and why I need to use it. Where it becomes “brute” or “blunt”, often times (most times actually) is that other person is not accustomed to the level of honesty being openly offered. 2 : any of a genus (Lunaria) … What does haunting mean? Thank you again for sharing with us. Riddhan– Riddhan is an Indian name meaning the gift of heart and who has a great heart. And look who might easily become our next President. the quality or fact of being honest; uprightness and fairness. The theory going around that you have to lay it out flat and lay down the law hard has damaged the way most view leadership. Please keep in mind that my post began with the sentence, “Those who *take pride* in being “brutally honest” are typically more interested in being brutal than they are in being honest.” And, remember, nowhere in the article am I saying we should not place a very high value on dealing with people honesty. Definitely too much assault going on… And too little leadership. When someone is brutally honest with me, I probably had it coming. Hi Bob! And, that we also need to understand who we are dealing with and how they best respond. From Dani Atkins, winner of the Romantic Novel of the Year Award 2018. I’ve seen it myself, as I think many probably have. If you’re trying to be anything but honest, you’re not trying to be honest, right? The original lyrics had four verses, of which only two are heard on the original recording. But here I see it referenced often as “brutally honest”, essentially reversing the accent on what is important. I recently opened a new business and had a complete failure of a service with an extremely difficult client. It is always difficult to be honest when telling a person something negative that they must be aware of, but the message with brutally honest is ” I really don’t care about how you take this or how you feel”. And, most people are less apt to agree with you or take the action you desire when treated that way. Usually, it means they are going to criticize me in some way and want to lessen the blow by telling me so first. That part is up to you to decide. Patrick: Many excellent points you made throughout your comments. Without my knowing the situation I cannot comment on what should or should not have been said (or, how it should or should not have been said). I don’t see it that way but I certainly do appreciate your sharing your thoughts and interpretation with us. Great teaching, my friend! 1 a : adherence to the facts : sincerity doubted the honesty of the witness. I’ve never said and hopefully have never implied that one should “sugarcoat” the reality. I can tell what works with me. With the exception of people who just aren’t very nice, I think brutal honesty happens when you’re driven to a point where you just lose it, and it comes out all wrong. As my friend, People Skills Authority and Coach, Kate Nasser teaches, “Civility doesn’t weaken your message; it helps others to hear & embrace it.”, And, a very tough but successful General and later U.S. president, Dwight D. Eisenhower even said: “You don’t lead by hitting people over the head—that’s assault, not leadership.”. I honestly believe all this does is make people that are sensitive and thoughtful over think what they say, while brutal people continue to not care. Becky: Terrific points. Or, for that matter, a man -- a beautiful man. And, as mentioned, there are even times when it must be expressed “brutally” (as defined within the context of this post). Thank you for the exceptional value you bring to the marketplace and to our lives. Wow. PW: I’m very sorry that happened. Well Said.. Another Great Post… While, of course, I don’t have any knowledge of the situation other than what you wrote above, I’ll reiterate something I said in the original post and that is: “Being ‘brutally honest’ is often more about the person speaking than about the person they are speaking to.” So, to the degree you can, try not to take it personally. Definition of haunting in the AudioEnglish.org Dictionary. No wonder she’s such a highly-respected coach on the topic of people skills. AND another thing also comes into play. Proper usage and audio pronunciation (plus IPA phonetic transcription) of the word haunting. Thanks for sharing with us! (And, please call me “Bob”) . I agree that tact, diplomacy and kindness will usually get you much further, but you touched on a very important phrase “less than authentic.”, Being tactful comes across as phony to a lot of people, especially to people who are very direct. This is a completely factual type of statement. And, I’m assuming that is a result you would desire if you’re bothering to take the time to make a suggestion to that person. Have a great weekend! Janet: Thank you. Hans: Thank you for joining the conversation and for your very well thought-out comments. The backlash leaves the recipient hurting and marred. This means that every time you visit this website you will need to enable or disable cookies again. And, for that matter, that to be less than brutal in your honesty is to somehow be less honest or authentic? It just sent me into a deeper depression. Carly: Thank you. Which means the information itself is brutal enough! Thank you! . hauntingly definition in English dictionary, hauntingly meaning, synonyms, see also 'haunting',hunting',haunt',haughtily'. Either way, my observation is still a perception they may want to address. A love story about four strangers whose lives are changed by the death of a professional stargazer. That being said, I’ve learned through the years if I want someone to really GET IT, the most effective way to get your point across is to be brutally honest. They have quite the following….but not with me. Adverb for characteristic of great strength or forcefulness. Your passion for your job and this company is extremely inspiring and motivating to me and I look forward to working with you every day.” Or, “I want to be brutally honest with you. Usually, however, that’s not the case and there’s no reason why being kind or tactful in our approach must be misconstrued as somehow being less than honest. I agree we can be “Brutally Honest” although the Term I would use is Honest and it can be done with “Compassionate Passionate Communications” which is the term I use and prefer all of the time…. I think you commentary is spot on. But this: “When you use up the pots and pans and leave the dirty dishes out all over the counter, then if I want to come in and cook, I have to clean up after you first, and that really pisses me off, because it delays my dinner and I do your cleaning as well as mine, which isn’t fair.”. Very recently there was a post from Michael Hyatt about Dr. Martin Luther King Jr’s famous ‘I have a dream” speech and Michael pointed out that “Great leaders do not sugar quote the reality.”. Synonyms: evocative, poignant, unforgettable, indelible More Synonyms of haunting. The brooding climax hauntingly repeats with words that cut deep. So, while I greatly appreciate and respect your suggestion of telling the truth, I’d need to respectfully disagree that tact and kindness as part of it should not be held as a high value. noun. Verbal abuse (and intentionally hurting someone) is a different ballgame. There’s nothing in the rule book that says you need to let that get to you. What does hauntingly mean? Laura: What a terrific point and commentary. Haunting definition, remaining in the consciousness; not quickly forgotten: haunting music; haunting memories. Great post! 22. Strong people blame themselves, and weak people blame others. And, I believe it’s the same when dealing honestly with anyone. Learn more. While I do believe that, through tact, we can make the truth more palatable, we can also make it easier for another person to be open to, accept and embrace the truth. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. It’s not honest…it’s arrogant and…brutal. Lene: Thank you. Just a form of verbal abuse where the speaker justifies their inability to be persuasive using other more effective forms of communication. I shared my own reservations against that analysis where I did mention to him that you can’t be brutally honest and still maintain healthy relationships at an individual levels whereas you definitely are more powerful when you are talking to thousands of people at once because the target is not one single individual. Apparently, I did not completely succeed in that regard. Whilst on the topic…I often interpret “Let’s be honest” as…I am inferring that my opinion is the truth, and therefore you are wrong. I would never be brutally honest with someone who’s overly sensitive or insecure. Information and translations of hauntingly in the most comprehensive dictionary definitions resource on the web. Those who take pride in being “brutally honest” are typically more interested in being brutal than they are in being honest. Definition of hauntingness in the Definitions.net dictionary. Regarding the situation with your boss, I don’t know enough of the story (background, past experiences, people, situation, etc.) Because, I cannot understand why that dilemma would even come into play? Can’t remember who explained that we all need a ‘wake-up call’ but I’d have to agree, there are times when telling it exactly how it is, not disrespectfully, but leaving no room for it to be misconstrued is required, even if not desireable. Your email address will not be published. Thank you again! Thanks for you great message and spirit. Page 4. Thank you.” The person offering exceptional commendation (and don’t kid yourself, leaders; there are people in your organization who bring these qualities to work every day) is offering “brutal honestly” in the form of exposing his or her own personal vulnerability. I’ve seen that same sentiment expressed in other posts and articles, as well. Meaning, pronunciation, picture, example sentences, grammar, usage notes, synonyms and more. But, maybe that’s just me. Hi Bob – I agree with your point. Gayle: Right on! Learn more. Usually, however, they can be said with tact and kindness. If you disable this cookie, we will not be able to save your preferences. Katherine: In my opinion…VERY-well said!!!!! To strengthen rather than diminish. I think the need to be honest is absolutely necessary, but the need to be brutally honest says more about the person doing it than the message. I grew up in the 70’s in a germanic culture in Europe. It's something that strikes you as beautiful but makes you uneasy without you immediately knowing why. It’s simply an excuse for what most people would consider an unacceptable, and inappropriate response to someone else’s opinion or perception. A crowd is simply a group of individuals. Adverb for strange, weird, fear-inspiring. This “brutally honest” mentality has been the downfall of many so-called leaders. Importance of honesty in life. I think that a huge problem is that – in our world of “reality tv” (known as politics) it now appears to many that unless you are screaming expletives at a person, that you are sugarcoating and not being authentic with them. In this case, it is not so much about being honest as it is about being brutal and thoughtless in one’s approach. What is Honesty: What is honesty and why should you practice honesty, are the two most important questions come in the mind of almost every individual in their life time.Some people experience it in early years and others remain ignorant for most part of their lives and realize at an advanced age. Required fields are marked *. SO TRUE: “Being “brutally honest” is often more about the person speaking than about the person they are speaking to.” LOVE this centence!!!!!!!!!! First, please keep in mind, as it states in the article, there’s a time and place for everything. Hi Danielle (and please call me Bob), there’s no reason that tact should come across to someone as less than authentic or phony….because it’s not either of those. It’s not weak, it’s not coddling, it’s being straight, but without vague name-calling and other verbal abuse. Regarding the media stars you mentioned, while that’s a function of what draws viewers to certain shows, that’s really not real-world. Regarding the answer to your question, while it depends upon the individual involved, yes, that is very common. No sugar coating……straight to the point. The reaction to this level of expression is often one of being offended or shocked or in disbelief, not because it is an attack or with intent to hurt, rather it is natural reaction to something outside what we have otherwise been told not to do. Being honest without being brutal is a much more positive and effective way to live life and it’s something you can control about yourself regardless of how others might act. That’s him. I’ve been struggling with it and trying to figure out why and how I left myself so vulnerable to it. Royce– An English name which means Royal or born with the Royal Lineage. It is an object which has the quality of being simultaneously lovely yet sad to the same person at the same time. Those who take pride in being “brutally honest” are typically more interested in being brutal than they are in being honest. Definition of honesty. See more. Thanks for sharing with us! I called my “friend” because I was absolutely devastated and she completely twisted the daggy that was altering my heart. Corrie: I’m sorry this happened to you. (hɔːntɪŋ ) adjective [usually ADJECTIVE noun] Haunting sounds, images, or words remain in your thoughts because they are very beautiful or sad . freedom from deceit or fraud. Again, just my thoughts in response to your thoughtful comments. And, it’s how he connects with people. ...the haunting calls of wild birds in the mahogany trees. I appreciate your time and your sharing of wisdom with us. Honesty has an agenda, which is to make the situation or person or group better. I love the post. Hi, Cassandra. Tactful also doesn’t mean that you don’t give someone a straight answer (which you mentioned being the case with your husband). Dee: Thank you for joining the conversation. Thank you for sharing such profound wisdom with us! Honesty itself is an extremely high value. I wish more people were brutally honest with me as I try to be with them. They're so beautiful it's scary. Thanks for your wonderful use of words again Bob. I’m in complete agreement with using diplomatic honesty, and I think that Kate nailed it saying that civility helps others “hear & embrace” the message. I’d rather someone be real and authentic ALL the time and be compassionate and considerate of my feelings ALL the time! I’m trying to makes some sense of it and finding any morsel of truth to it so that I can learn. It’s a persona, like any actor. Any other agenda is dishonest. Thank you for sharing with us. Indeed, intent is always important, as is meaning. What does haunting expression mean? Hi Jason. I didn’t want to argue, so I let it go. On another note, even preceding a statement by saying you are going “to be honest with you” sort of implies that you are not always honest. Imagine what would happen if a CEO called a subordinate to his/her office and said, “I want to be brutally honest with you. The phrase “I’m going to be brutally honest” is typically expressed as a pre-cursor to warn others (not the person it’s aimed at) that an opinionated view is about to follow. In this case, that you can either be tactful OR direct and honest. You can find out more about which cookies we are using or switch them off in settings. What you see is what you get. Indeed, sometimes difficult and uncomfortable things need to be said (and honesty in saying them is very important!). hone definition: 1. to make an object sharp: 2. to make something perfect or completely suitable for its purpose…. Look at Howard Stern and Donald Trump. Yes, there are times when we must be honestly open in our criticism but do it with diplomacy and kindness. Thanks for the insight. It’s difficult for me to equate “direct” and “brutal.” It seems to me there is a significant difference between those two words in that a person can be direct and on-point (and constructive) without having to be brutal, or verbally abusive. Thank you for sharing that with us! b : fairness and straightforwardness of conduct calling for honesty in politics. Bob, "Hauntingly beautiful" means something that is so beautiful you can't forget it, and it haunts you night and day. Putting aside the value of kindness (for its own sake) for a moment, even if only for practical reasons being tactful is much more likely to ensure that the person will not only not be defensive and resistant, but is much more likely to be open to and accepting of your advice. Great wisdom. I speak from personal experience, working in an industry that has rather a larger population of women than men . Being tactful might require your heart and a few extra brain cells, but it leads to more cooperation, naturally. We’ve lost the skill set to be able to communicate authentically, and therefore our guards are always up, regardless of the person’s intent, which is, I think where the term ‘brutal honesty’ stems from.. Alyssa, thank you for your thoughtful feedback. Learn more. I guess I agree with Cassandra. Then you look at how North Americans perceive Asians when it comes to honesty and we use the phrase ‘saving face’. And, of course, there is a proper time and place for most everything. I was recently brutal with my boss (he frustrates me) and I got a promotion. Hi Cassandra, thank you for sharing your thoughts and comments. I question whether all these “filters” and “censors” put on what we say and how we say it, is actually helping or harming our society? Wow Mr. Burg. Don’t you think so? As mentioned about halfway through my original post, “Sure, there’s a time and place for most things. In other words…. I’m glad I Googled “brutal honesty”, as I write, with intent to publish, a bluntly honest assessment of myself, and wanted to verify my understanding of the theory as others perceive it. He is coauthor of the International Bestseller, The Go-Giver, as well as Go-Givers Sell More, The Go-Giver Leader, The Go-Giver Influencer, and author of the sales classic, Endless Referrals and Adversaries into Allies. If you say something in an abusive way, they put up their emotional armor and get defensive. I’m thick skinned, and my self esteem is intact. honestly definition: 1. in a way that is honest: 2. used to emphasize disapproval: 3. in a way that is honest: . The “brutal” aspect of this type of honesty–far above and beyond simple commendation or pat on the back for good work–is actually felt by the giver. The name itself is derived from the more traditional Malalai, which was the name of a 19th century female Afghan freedom fighter. When I was doing sales for a health product, I often encountered people who had become victims of their diseases. Your first paragraph says it all. Leaves the recipient feeling dazed and confused. Often, it appears the critic is much more involved in the dissection process, disassembling all elements according to their perspective, perhaps radically changing the result from the original intent. If I say what I want, maybe that other person wants the same to. I don’t like being brutally honest with others. Bill O’Reilly, Judge Judy, Dr. Phil, Howard Stern, etc. . The third stanza is even more macabre. I agree with your friend, Kate Nasser, “Civility doesn’t weaken your message; it helps others to hear & embrace it.” This article definitely helped me realize that this woman is no “friend” of mine. Do you want change in behavior? “Now, don’t hang on, nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky. It stuck with me for hours and hours after I saw it because of the severe contrast between the gorgeousness and ugliness of human beings in a hauntingly honest way. LOVE your take on this Bob . hauntingly translation in English - Spanish Reverso dictionary, see also 'haunting',hunting',haunt',haughtily', examples, definition, conjugation What does haunting mean? Also receive Bob Burg's weekly, How realistic is our plan to relocate - feel free to be brutally honest! Matt: Looking at your first paragraph, as you say, it’s not something that YOU pride yourself in being. A tender, fervent indie pop upheaval, Holly Humberstone’s “Falling Asleep at the Wheel” is an arresting confessional full of tension and inner turmoil – a … Love your inspirational message and concomitant depth! What really puzzled me, was when I used “brutal honesty” in the same form she did on her and she couldn’t handle it and got offended. People like that think of themselves as truth-tellers, but rather than being honest what they are really communicating is, “I don’t care about your feelings, and I don’t care about how effective my message is.” If you hit someone, they put up their hands in defense. Honesty is what is the action/necessity, with “brute” or “blunt” or “tact” is the adjective of how it is carried out. I’ve always thought “brutal” in relation to the theory of “brutal honesty” was using literary license, a slight modification of the word “blunt”. But a lot of times it comes across as “telling you what you want to hear… or what the person thinks the other person wants to hear.”. I think it is important that we are honest, but tactful, striving only to improve the situation–not just to relieve our frustration. : very well-said and well-expressed, my friend!!!!!!... The felt about everything and no one took offense to it, essentially the., which is to somehow be less than brutal in your honesty is the or... Bragging out being “ brutally honest with others wrong, or causing anxiety, sorrow pain. Twisted the daggy that was altering my heart your contribution has made me a better.... S a time and place for brutal honesty…of course this happened to you individual involved, yes that! Definition of brutal honesty in saying them is very important! ) thus, I don ’ t me. Haven ’ t see it ’ s not what I had in,! Obsidianpen, it has nothing to do it any other way sold over 975,000 copies difficult uncomfortable! 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Said ( and effective ) if she was trying to be yelled and screamed at, to!, verbally attacked ll get a straight answer information and translations of hauntingness in AudioEnglish.org.